Parents sacrifice a lot, that goes without saying. We sacrifice our sleep, our boobs, our "me" time. I even sacrificed a MAC lipstick once (RIP Mehr).
Ok, so maybe I didn't quite sacrifice Mehr. But I did sacrifice my job.
It was kind of a given that I was going to have to give up my job once I had Evie.
I was a Programme Support Worker for NCS and my role involved driving 42 miles to Eastbourne daily and then going away for weeks at a time 3 times a year. It was time consuming and fuel consuming and I very often took my job home with me. But I did it because I loved it. Very rarely do you find a job you love that much.
I am working now, and I enjoy it, but the job doesn't ignite anything within me. If an advert for NCS comes on, I have to turn the TV over or walk away. It hurts my heart to watch it.
Sometimes I look at Paul and I resent the fact that he didn't have to give up his job. And it's doubly not fair because he's not as passionate about his job. But then I look at Evie and I feel so guilty because she is that something "more important or worthy". But that doesn't stop the achey heart pains.
And so today, as I was walking through town, I saw a stand of NCS kids doing their social action project. Instead of walking away being secretly a bit sad, I went to speak to them. I found it who they were raising money for and I bought Evie a teddy polar bear from their bric-a-brac. Then I got the email address for their coordinator. I thought, fuck it. Why can't I have it all? At the minute I'm working for a pretty measly pay check when really, I want to be working to feed my soul.
So here's to chasing after your dreams, even ones you willingly gave up. Because if I know one thing, it's if you have something worth holding on to, you hold onto it. Or you work your arse off to get it back.
